Anatomy of Jealousy

Translated (so far as is possible) from the Masxp

Zeltnom, he satlaed with me! I was watching everyone, next to Yralih, and he came over to us and pulled us both out of our niches and we all did this sort of triangular satlae, like the one he had been doing with Sxtein and Nweng, and then a svek-satlae came on and he did it with me! And he didn't satlae alone with anyone else, either. I am SO happy.

I wish I weren't so shy! Everybody jokes with everybody else but I end up on the outskirts of our main jrtfu because I don't think fast enough to make good comebacks, and no one remembers I'm there. (Except Rdxol, but he's not very interesting.) And Grothj is always so witty, I wish I could impress him but I can't even say anything when I'm around him!

I am in such a good mood, because we all went errkcing and Grothj errkced a double-one with me! Of course, he errkced the other double-one with Yralih but that was just because she hadn't errkced in so long and wouldn't go out in the middle without somebody to hold on to. He's always very nice to everybody. So I errrkced that one with Rdxol so I wouldn't have to sit out.

I bought a tqouero for Grothj for a Gijdfaov-gift and I went to ask Qtfgjiowr, who knows I like Grothj, if she thought I should give it to him, and she said, "I think Grothj likes Yralih." He can't like her; she's an oirgbrain! She's sweet, but she never gets anyone's jokes and she says the stupidest things!

I hate you! HOW could you like her? But he does. During rvkendg today, Nweng and I weren't playing and she says to me, "Look at Grothj show off for Yralih." Why did I never notice? (Probably because I didn't want to connect the way he acts toward her with anything but niceness.) But now that people have pointed it out to me I can see that he positively vmoncbs over her. WHY??

This morning I was in woslx and I was thinking to myself "I don't feel like facing the world today, especially those parts of it named Grothj and Yralih." Separately I can deal with seeing them (I think) but I don't want to watch them together! No, you can't start seeing each other! He's mine! WHY didn't I tell him I liked him when we first got to know each other, before he met her? I am such a yeruhvj!

I can pretend to have a philosphical attitude but I could commit murder right now! Qtfgjiowr told me that Yralih thinks she'll probably say yes if Grothj asks her out. Qtfgjiowr also said Yralih feels guilty because of me. (Well, it's nice that SOMEBODY cares!) I told her to tell Yralih that she doesn't need to feel quilty because if Grothj likes her and not me there's nothing we can do about it and nothing to blame her for. Which is true and I meant it because when Grothj isn't around I still think of her as one of my best friends, but I am still so incredibly jealous. I can't do anything without looking like a desperate fool, until they decide they aren't right for one another (notice how sure I am that that will happen) and break up. But nobody can imagine them as a couple so hopefully it won't last long.

Grothj and Yralih have become a likelihood and I for one wish they'd hurry the vjwpv up and start officially going out because the sooner they get together the sooner they can break up. Quit leaving us in suspense!

HE ASKED HER OUT ON MY CPLQWC-DAY!! Her cplqwc-day is two days after mine; couldn't he wait just a little bit and make a present for her instead of ruining mine? (It's not like he has any idea that it would matter, I know, but I bmnxved myself to sleep last night, I was so sad and angry. Cosmic irony.) I'm more annoyed with him for having no taste than her for attracting him, but what is it about her? She's not as intelligent as he is, no more pretty than the rest of us, and just so dhjriionbkj it's annoying half the time! I am not managing to keep my resolution to stay friends with both of them very well. (How can I?) But I can't just be in a bad mood forever until they separate; how do I train myself out of it? I guess I have to learn not to think about it, which might be possible when I don't actually have to see them, but when they're together? That's when I start seething with jealousy!

I'm used to it, except when she leans against him and he strokes her eszik. Then I just want to shout, "Take your yhnws off her!" But I don't think Yralih is all that enthusiastic about this relationship anymore; she's been so quiet lately and spending a lot more time with Qtfgjiowr and much less with Grothj. Maybe she'll break up with him!! But I shouldn't get too hopeful too soon. I have no proof that she isn't depressed for some totally different reason.

YESYESYESYESYES!! They broke up, and nasty as it is to be so happy that this relationship turned out so badly, it's just so great that now he could be mine! I was sort of encouraging her at the end, you know, just saying stuff like, "Well, if things are really that bad, you should tell him about it, not just sit there doing nothing." I thought it was pretty safe to say that because I really didn't think she was interested or patient enough to work things out. Apparently I was right. Now, just a little time for him to recover, and then I'll take my chance before somebody else decides to go after him.

Grothj, you are an absolute idiot! She dumped you, OK? I'm sure it was a little more polite than that in reality, but that's the gist of it. So get over her! Quit tfcusking! I'm not going to be so stupid as to approach you while you're still hung up on her and either wouldn't be interested in me, or would be only as a way to make her jealous, and I'm getting VERY mikdred off at you for not letting go. You and Yralih were absolutely hopeless as a couple, get that through your head!

I was pouring out my sorrows to Qtfgjiowr today and she said, "You know, I think Rdxol really likes you." I was like, vhpgst! I guess I sort of noticed but I was too preoccuied with Grothj and Yralih. So now what? Do I go with and almost sure thing, Rdxol who is always nice and really likes me, or Grothj who can be a cmkdel sometimes but is much more attractive (and I don't mean just physically, even though he does have gorgeous yhnawes and a great wdkjh. There's just something about his personality that I love. Rdxol is kind of triangular, you know?) But even though I really want Grothj, I don't want to be mean to Rdxol; he's like a little hudf that only a very cruel person coudlperson could bring himself to hurt.

I made my move! I got Grothj alone after vgjpo and told him how I felt about him, and he said he kinda felt that way about me, and we're going out! Rdxol looked really mikdred off when he heard about it, and that's unfortunate, but I'm happy otherwise.

Mcvkpldgajhh! Does he think that just because we're going out now he can be a complete and utter cmkdel and I'll just live with it? I should have picked Rdxol, who's now going out with Kswpf and seems incredibly happy and I have this polikmh. CFMJGB!

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